Fights happen in the most loving relationships. But if you find yourself questioning whether you’re in a healthy relationship…
It maybe time to evaluate whether your relationship is good for your mental health.
Although many people believe they’re in a perfect relationship with someone they love, overtime the cracks begin to show.
Fights increase. You feel disrespected. You’re not feeling loved. For some relationships this is a consistent pattern.
However, if you’re questioning whether a relationship is healthy or not… There is a problem!
Find out the signs of a healthy relationship!
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Signs Of A Healthy Relationship
1. Space
You and your partner don’t have to do everything together. For a relationship to be healthy there needs to be separation between two people.
Although it’s nice to want to spend time together, you both have your own interests, family and friends that don’t need to be neglected for the sake of your relationship.
Space is actually a sign of a healthy relationship!
It signifies that you and your partner can have a life outside of your relationship together.
Better yet… Your partner let’s and encourages you to visit friends and family.
It’s a big red flag if your partner does not allow you to spend time with other people or try to control or monopolize your time.
2. Mutual Respect
Have you ever heard the saying “Respect is earned, not given?”
While I agree with this saying, I don’t agree with it when it comes to intimate, romantic relationships.
In a romantic relationship your partner and yourself should show respect from the start. You should not have to prove or earn your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s respect overtime.
So how do you know if your partner respects you?
Here’s a few examples of respect:
~There’s mutual honesty
~He/she respects your boundaries. (He/she knows that no means no and will not push you into something you don’t feel comfortable with)
~You feel as if he/she listens to your wants and needs
~You are not ignored (He/she respects your time and you don’t feel ignored)
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3. Decision Making
Decisions in your relationship are shared. Your partner doesn’t make all the decisions and neither do you.
On top of this, those decisions are respected. Your partner will respect your decision and not try to sway you to change your mind.
What happens when one person makes all the decisions in a relationship?
It gives the decision maker control over your wants and needs. Plus, it’s a major sign of disrespect.
If you find your decisions not being heard, then there’s a problem.
4. Life Goals
Not every relationship will share the same goals in life. You’re allowed to be your own person with your own ambitions.
But if your goals differ too much, it can cause an issue.
For instance, if you’re goal oriented and your partner is not… This could cause a rift in your relationship.
You may have troubles going after that job promotion if your partner lives at home with his/her parents and doesn’t understand your motivations.
Similarly, a healthy relationship needs to have similar relationship goals.
If you want marriage and a family eventually, but your partner does not… It’s not considered healthy because your needs are being pushed aside.
Similar relationship goals give you both a sense of security and comfort when it comes to the future of your relationship.
5. Shared Trust
In many relationships trust is earned through time. It’s not given freely.
This is especially true in new relationships. It can be hard to trust another person.
However, if you’re having troubles trusting your partner this is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
You need trust in a healthy relationship to promote a sense of security.
6. Commitment
When someone is not committed to you it shows!
Some signs of a lack of commitment include:
~Does not want marriage
~When your partner talks about past relationships they’re described as short lasting
~The topic of commitment is avoided
~He/she fails to follow through with plans
If this describes your partner, it may be time to ask yourself whether YOU want a long term commitment.
If you desire commitment and your partner does not, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship because commitment should never be one sided.
Commitment is one of the signs of a healthy relationship.
7. Honesty
In a healthy relationship honesty is a must! You never want to find yourself questioning whether your partner is lying or what their intentions are.
With increased honesty comes increased trust.
Everyone tells little white lies every now and then. But if those white lies are told more often than not.
There’s a problem.
There are individuals who are habitual liars. Habitual liars can be hard to recognize.
You don’t know you’re with one until you’ve caught them in countless lies and all trust is gone.
If you’re having trouble deciding fact from fiction in your relationship, it’s not a healthy one.
8. Judgement Free
The world and the people in it are filled with judgement. The one place you don’t need to feel judged is in a relationship in which you care for someone.
Judgment comes in many forms. Whether someone is judging you for your decisions, your lifestyle or your appearance, a healthy relationship should be considered a judgment free zone.
Your partner should not be critical of your decisions or critical of your appearance.
Some individuals in an unhealthy relationship may feel afraid to make decisions because of their partner’s past judgmental reactions.
9. Fair Fighting
How does one fight fair in a relationship?
Here’s a couple key factors when it comes to fighting fair:
~There’s no judgment. You should be able to express your opinions and feelings openly without feeling judged or ridiculed.
Past mistakes are forgotten. Your partner should not be reminding you in fights of all the past instances you “failed.”
Sentences should never begin with… “Remember last time where you…”
Reminding you of past failures is often a way for someone to manipulate you with words.
Fighting should never come with name-calling, derogatory remarks or physical violence.
If a fight becomes too heated, stop and walk away to get some space from each other.
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10. Responsibility
Responsibility is not just about helping pay the bills or clean the house in your relationship.
This is a different type of responsibility. It has to do with taking responsibility for his/her words and actions.
If your partner says something that hurts your feelings, it’s never ok for your partner to dismiss your hurt feelings and not admit wrong doing.
A person who doesn’t take responsibility for their words or actions by acknowledging or apologizing is someone who does not care about others hurt feelings.
11. Compassion
Compassion is one of the signs of a healthy relationship that can’t be faked. You either have it for people or you don’t.
Many individuals find themselves in a relationship with someone who lacks compassion.
This is displayed in many instances.
Here’s how to tell if your partner lacks compassion:
~You feel as though your partner does not understand how you feel
~Your partner shows you less affection than you would like
~You feel a lack of empathy coming from your partner
In a relationship, you want to feel loved through physical affection and emotional affection.
While you don’t need someone to cater to your every need, you do need someone who understands what your going through.
If you come home crying because of a bad day, does your partner emphasize and show his/her compassion toward your unique situation? If not, this is a major sign of an unhealthy relationship.
12. Encouragement
No matter if you’re an extrovert or an introvert by nature, everyone needs some encouragement in life.
When it comes to an intimate relationship, you need someone who will be your personal cheerleader.
He/she will be there to push you to be the best version of yourself.
It’s not hard to give encouragement to someone you care about, but amazingly some people are not capable of giving another person the emotional support they need.
This can stem from many issues in someone’s past, but a healthy relationship should be filled with a constant stream of support and encouragement from your partner.
For a relationship to be healthy, encouragement has to be given.
You need someone that will support your decisions in life. A partner that never gives support is only holding you back in life!
Final Thoughts
A relationship that gives you support, honesty and commitment are hard to come by.
If you find that special person you need to hold onto him/her!
But not every relationship displays all the signs of a healthy relationship. If you find yourself having a ‘gut feeling’ or an ‘instinct’ that something in your relationship is off… Listen to your instincts!
Chances are something is off about your partner and the state of your relationship.
A healthy relationship is key to human connection that we all desire.
We want and need someone who we connect with on a physical and emotional level.
Now that you’ve read about the 12 signs, here are the benefits of having a healthy relationship:
A healthy relationship = Less stress
A committed relationship between two people naturally produces less cortisol (the stress hormone) in the body.
Those in committed relationships have better healing capabilities.
Research found that those in a healthy committed relationship are able to recover better from an illness compared to those in an unhealthy relationship. That’s because emotional support aids physical health.
A healthy relationship gives you a sense of purpose in life.
Your partner could help you lead a healthier lifestyle. Individuals who engage in healthy living practices like exercise often inspire others close to them to live the same healthy lifestyle as well.
Research suggests that a lack of social relationships has a negative effect on overall health.
In fact, the study compared those negative health effects as the equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Now that you can recognize the signs of a healthy relationship you need to ask yourself the ultimate question: Is your relationship a healthy one?
If the answer is “No,” then don’t continue to be in an unhealthy relationship. It’s time for a change!
With an unhealthy relationship you have two options: End the relationship or discuss with your partner about making changes.
Everyone is unique and deserves to be with someone who brings out the best in you!
No one deserves to be treated badly by a loved one especially if that treatment is bordering along the line of emotional, sexual or physical abuse.
To help you decide about the future of your relationship, examine each of the signs of a healthy relationship to see if your partner exhibits all or most signs.
Works Cited
10 signs that your lover is commitment phobic
7 signs your partner respects you
5 benefits of healthy relationships
10 signs you’re in a healthy relationship
10 signs of healthy relationships