This is a sore topic that no one likes to talk about: Motherhood and loneliness. But let’s face it… The two go hand-in-hand.
While there are times where mothers are feeling on top of the world, there’s also days filled with incredible loneliness. No mother ever feels like they’re never lonely. It happens to the best mothers.
The problem with motherhood and loneliness is that many women do not want to admit it, let alone talk about it.
I’m here to tell you that feeling lonely in motherhood is completely normal! There’s nothing wrong with being vulnerable and admitting that loneliness happens from time to time. Even to me!
I’m not afraid to admit it!
There’s many reasons a mom might feel lonely even though she’s surrounded by children all the time.
But I’ve narrowed that list down to 8 reasons why loneliness might take over your best mom days.
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1. You’re Stuck In Or Around Your House
Now that you have children, it’s a lot harder to leave the house. A million items have to be packed to prepare for every given situation. Just getting your kids out to the car and into car and booster seats is hard enough.
Sometimes it’s almost like it’s not worth the hassle! If you don’t really have to leave the house then don’t bother…
But staying at home all the time can lead to feeling trapped.
If I haven’t left the house for awhile I start to feel claustrophopic. Of course… I have a small house so it is easy for me to feel this way.
At times as a mom your house feels like a sanctuary away from the drama of other people. However on days when you’re feeling lonely your house may feel like a dungeon in which there’s no escape.
Related Articles: 9 Tips For Keeping Your Sanity As a Stay At Home Mom
2. You Haven’t Seen Friends For Ages
Along with not leaving the house, you haven’t seen your friends forever. At least it feels that way. Yes, an occasional text or two is nice to get from a friend.
But when you’re a mom life seems to speed by fast when you’re raising children. Time tends to blur and before you know it you’ve lost track of days.
It’s beyond important to have a support system. Especially a support system of other moms.
I admit… I’m lacking in the mom friend department. I do need more mom friends. That way I always have someone who understands what I’m going through with my children. Someone to just vent to.
But making friends as an adult is even tougher then when we were kids. I’m an introvert by nature and I have anxiety. Just even thinking of reaching out to others in real life or on social media makes me extremely anxious.
Another issue related to friends is your relationships may be changing.
You and your friends lives are going in different directions. I’ve had this happen with multiple friends in my life. They’ve moved. Got married. It’s life.
3. You Spend Time With Little People Who Can’t Carry A Conversation
I find myself constantly talking out loud to my two-year-old son. But the funny thing is… I don’t get much reply back.
He’s still learning to talk. While some things he says I can clearly understand. Like the word “No.” Other days I can’t understand a single thing that comes out of his mouth. He might as well be speaking Japanese.
I know it’s a learning process and almost every day he says a new word. But he can’t carry on a conversation with me. No back and forth exchange. No words of wisdom.
While I’m not looking forward to the backtalk when he becomes a teenager, I do look forward to actually talking with him more. I’m genuinely interested in the things that are on his mind.
Right now since he can’t carry on a conversation, it’s quite lonely for me.
Don’t get me wrong… I have some wonderful conversations with myself that my son listens to. But I’d love some actual conversing back and forth!
By the time my husband comes home from
work, I’m basically bursting at the seams to have a adult conversation with someone.
4. You Lose Your Identity
When you’re a mom your life is all about kids. Everything revolves around them. Therefore, everything with you comes second.
Unfortunately, it’s a fact of life with kids. But I think that’s the way it was meant to be… Children should come first!
However, the one risk you run with always putting your children first is losing your sense of identity. This occurs overtime when your life is completely dedicated to your children.
Instead of just being you, your “mom.” A yoga pant wearing, messy bun mom. You can’t remember the last time your hair was colored. It’s been forever since you’ve had an intellectual adult conversation.
When you feel like you don’t recognize or know yourself anymore, that’s when you’re losing your identity in motherhood. When your identity feels lost, you may feel like you’re shrouded in loneliness.
5. Your Spouse Works Long Hours
It doesn’t matter what your husband’s occupation is. If he works long hours or many hours per week, you’re going to start feeling lonely.
My husband works construction and his hours vary daily. I never know when he’ll get off work. Plus, lately he’s been working shifts of 12+ hours and over 60 hours a week.
These long working hours add up to some amazing paychecks, but my own loneliness increases. I don’t have him around to offer support and conversation.
Sometimes the loneliness I feel is a result of making small decisions with my son throughout the day. I don’t have my husband to back me up and offer me a hand when things are at their worst.
If your spouse works long hours… I feel ya! Hang in there mama. Hopefully, you can plan a little getaway without the kids soon!
Related Articles: 15 Ways To Gain Your Self-Confidence Back After Having A baby
6. If Your Battling Postpartum Depression, Feeling Lonely Occurs More Often
After my son was born over 2 years ago, postpartum depression hit hard. Thankfully, I talked to my doctor and got prescribed an antidepressant that also helps lower my anxiety. And guess what?
Over 2 years later, I’m still on medication for postpartum depression.
I’ve tried many times to wean myself off of the depression medication. But I couldn’t go through my day without crying or feeling overly anxious. I’ve just accepted that I need to be on medication.
And with depression medication… I’m a better mom!
But just because my depression and anxiety is managed with medication doesn’t mean I still don’t experience loneliness. I feel because I have postpartum depression, I’m more affected by loneliness.
I have my days where I don’t feel depressed or anxious, just simply wanting company (other than my son).
7. You Feel Alone Because Society Doesn’t Like To Talk About Motherhood & Loneliness
Motherhood and loneliness… It’s a sore subject. Many people, even other mothers don’t want to talk about loneliness. If you don’t believe me, take a look at the comments on social media.
Anytime a mom bears her soul about the difficulties of motherhood, the mean comments come rolling in!
For example: “You should stop complaining and be thankful!”
Apparently moms are not allowed to ever have a bad day! When things like this are said to a mother that’s going through a tough time in motherhood… It just reinforces the idea that mothers everywhere aren’t allowed to feel loneliness.
That can’t be further from the truth!
8. Loneliness Is Not Just For New Moms
Yes, when you first become a mother it’s a rough transition. Newborns need constant care. It’s a shock to the system to go from no kids to a crying newborn that needs fed and changed every two hours.
When loneliness in motherhood is talked about it’s always associated with new moms.
But the thing is… Every mom can experience loneliness from time to time. Whether that mom has a new baby or a mom has six children, every mom can feel lonely.
So if you’re feeling lonely and you’re no longer a new mom… I’m hear to say you’re not alone!
Related Articles: The Best Self-Care Tips For Busy Moms
Loneliness is a very real feeling in motherhood. It’s just that nobody wants to talk about it.
For some reason, many people are under the assumption that since moms are always with their children, they shouldn’t be lonely. But when you’re around children who can’t communicate fully and depend on your every need where you come second… It can get lonely.
I believe it’s completely normal to feel loneliness in motherhood no matter how many children you have. Some things in motherhood or at home tend to make loneliness a little worse, like postpartum depression and a spouse working long hours.
No matter what your reasons are for feeling alone at times in motherhood, just know it’s ok to feel and talk about it.
You definitely don’t deserve to be put down by anyone for being vulnerable.
If there is one tip I can give you to conquer loneliness in mother it’s this: Reach out and find someone who understands and empathizes with your loneliness in motherhood.