To the mother who feels like a failure… I see you.
I see you wipe your tears away after you yell at your children for misbehaving.
All the while you’re wondering when and how you turned into this yelling beast.
Your work goes unnoticed. And at times unappreciated by your children and spouse.
While you feel on the verge of burnout for days or weeks at a time, when your spouse comes home and asks you “What’s wrong?” because he notices your smudged mascara from crying…
You smile and politely reply “Nothing. I’m fine.” But deep down you’re not fine.
You’ve shed your tears after a rough day of mothering and find yourself with the same repetitive I am statements like…
“I am failing as a mother.”
“I am failing as a wife.”
“I am failing at life.” Sound familiar?
I see you because I am you! I struggle with feeling like I am failing as a mother too!
If you’ve ever felt this way at least once in your life, you are not alone.
Fortunately, when you feel like a failure at being a mother there are some things you can remember and do BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT FAILING AS A MOTHER.
Motherhood is just that freaking hard!!!
Positive Things You Can Do When You Feel Like A Failure
Post and Recite Daily Positive Affirmations
Our minds sometimes get into a repetitive pattern of negative thinking, especially when it relates to our own self-esteem.
Just because our minds keep thinking horrible about ourselves, it does not mean our thoughts are correct.
Yes, your own thoughts can be wrong. Even irrational sometimes.
Part of the brain’s function is to assess the environment around it and come to conclusions. But those conclusions can initially be wrong.
That’s when negative thinking patterns or obsessive thinking come into play.
Odds are your brain keeps sending out thoughts like “I’m a failure” on repeat whenever the tiniest thing goes wrong in your day.
Thankfully, there are ways to begin to break down these negative thoughts and reverse them into positive ones.
While it will take persistence and time, reciting positive affirmations each day rewires your brain’s thinking patterns and increases self-esteem.
You can either create your own positive affirmations with “I” statements or find some others have created through a quick Google search. Or you can even steal mine if you like them!
I keep my positive affirmations attached to a corkboard above my desk so I can recite them every morning before work.
Here are my own positive affirmations I recite when I am feeling like a failure:
“My happy thoughts will become my reality”
“I am exactly what my kids need”
“I am doing the best I can”
“I will not worry about things that are out of my control”
“I am free of worry and regret”
“I am enough”
“I am confident and worthy of love”
“I am worthy of good things”
We need to remember that children are human. Therefore, they have an array of feelings throughout the day.
Most of their worst emotions are probably on display for you momma, because they feel the most comfortable with you.
Unfortunately, this means you’re putting up with a lot of attitude throughout the day.
The point is… Children are human and can sometimes simply wake up in a bad mood and don’t know why.
Just haven’t learned yet how to not take their bad day or mood out of you! That takes some time and self-regulation.
Whenever you’ve had the worst day with your kids imaginable keep telling yourself, “Every day is different.”
If you recite this during your day, it gives you hope for tomorrow. The next day your children can wake up and be completely sweet!
After a terrible day with my kids, I tell myself before I go to bed- “Today was a bad day! But that doesn’t mean tomorrow will be the same.
I’m going to do better tomorrow!
Grab Something To Eat
For the love of God, make this the first thing you do when you’re overwhelmed and feeling like a failure!
“Hangry” is a real emotion and it happens when we forget to eat for long periods of time. Instead of pushing your own essential needs aside, grab something to eat.
When you’re “hangry” you’ll begin to feel more irritable and downright angry. It’s hard to focus and think straight at this point!
While the brain only constitutes 2% of our body weight, it needs 20 to 30 percent of the energy we get from food consumption to continue to work properly.
Long periods of going without food cause the brain’s food consumption (glucose) to crash leaving you feeling increased anxiety and stress.
If you’re pressed for time like I am as a mom, here are some healthy and quick snacks to help feed your brain and lower stress and irritability:
- Ricotta cheese mixed with berries
- Slice of toast with peanut butter and apple slices
- Mixed nuts
- Vegetables dipped in hummus
- Greek yogurt
Focus On The “Why”
There are multiple “why” questions to ask yourself when feeling like a failure. Asking questions like…
“Why do I feel like a failure?”
Will help you dig deeper into the root of what caused this horrible feeling within yourself. Oftentimes, feeling like a failure pops into our minds and we don’t really know the why behind it.
Once you find that why you can start to challenge your own feelings of failure and change this way of thinking!
Another question to ask yourself is…
“Why did I become a mother?”
This is more of a philosophical question to ask yourself. But sometimes it’s hard to remember the reason we wanted to have children in the first place.
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. It’s not a coincidence you have the children you have (no matter how difficult they are). This means…
You are exactly what your children need! No one can raise your children and them love better than you!
Final Thoughts About Feeling Like A Failure
If you’re a mother struggling with feeling like a failure at times, know that you’re not alone!
Millions of moms everywhere are stuck with constant mom guilt and therefore, feel like they are failing as a mother.
I too struggle with severe mom guilt and more days than not I’m left feeling like I am failing my children.
(This is definitely the reason for writing this article).
I don’t want to feel this way about myself and neither do you!
While our thought patterns may be off when it comes to our own perspective of how we’re parenting our children, it does not mean they are right!
Our brain has simply gotten into an obsessive thought pattern of feeling like a failure. And it’s unhealthy!
To change how you feel about yourself and how you raise your children will take time.
But by following the above steps, you can start to dismantle these negative thoughts and find some solitude in the fact that-
You’re exactly what your children need and you’re not failing!