Infertility is a heartbreaking diagnosis to receive. But it doesn’t mean you can’t have children. Your dream of having children is still alive! It will just take a little more time, hard work and a dash of science.
From 2 and 1/2 years of struggling with infertility, I learned lessons from it along the way. While some lessons are hard truths. Other lessons made me into a different and better person than I use to be.
Here are 6 more lessons I learned from going through infertility!
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Lessons From Infertility…
1. Jealousy Is A Very Real Feeling
I am not a jealous person by nature. But I experienced jealousy going through infertility. That’s what infertility can do to you mentally.
Before trying to get pregnant, I never looked at other women with children and felt pangs of jealousy. Once my husband and I started fertility treatment after a year of trying on our own, the jealousy got worse.
I remember being so upset every time I saw a pregnant women. It wasn’t just a feeling of sadness, but sadness mixed with jealousy. I remember thinking so many times, “Why is she pregnant and not me?”
The thing about jealousy is that it can eat away at you. I couldn’t help but feel jealous of other women who were having babies without even trying.
However, even though I felt jealous of them, I didn’t know their fertility stories. Many who go through infertility tend to suffer in silence. I didn’t know how long it took her to get pregnant. I was just seeing the end result (pregnancy) which was what I wanted more than anything.
Sometimes jealousy comes with the process of infertility. But it doesn’t have to! Don’t let jealousy run your life. It will only lead to bitterness.
2. Practice Self-Care
By practicing self-care, I mean mental self-care. Going through infertility is not easy. After a while guilt, sadness and even depression and anxiety can begin to take over. Pretty soon, a negative outlook on your situation could affect your infertility outcome.
I know because I’ve been there! One of the most depressing times in my life was going through infertility. It’s hard seeing everyone get pregnant without trying and I was spending thousands of dollars a month and endless hours praying for a baby.
When it come to your mental wellbeing, don’t fool around with it! There’s no shame in being depressed or anxiety because you’re having troubles conceiving.
The best advice I can give you for practicing self-care is recognize if you’re experiencing depression or anxiety symptoms. Once you recognize that your mental health isn’t the best, you can then take action to make it better.
After our last failed IUI insemination at a fertility clinic, my doctor gave us the news that my husband’s sperm count was not viable enough to continue IUI’s. With the insemination, we stood a less than 5% chance of success with my husband’s sperm count the way it was.
It was devastating! We could no longer waste our money on IUI’s, so we had to stop treatment and rethink our fertility journey. It was at that time, I honestly thought we’d never have children.
The fertility clinic we were receiving treatment from offered me a free therapy session because of our situation.
The biggest regret I have now is not taking the opportunity to talk to a therapist. I was feeling a massive amount of mixed feelings that included anger, frustration, sorrow and anxiety.
Honestly, I couldn’t come to terms with our situation to be able to talk to someone. Instead, I bottled everything inside.
The moral of this story- Find a supportive person to talk about your infertility with. It’s ok to feel the way you do and there’s no shame in seeking help to lift your depression or anxiety.
3. You Are A Mother
Normally, a mother is defined as a woman who gives birth to a child. When a baby is born, a mother is also born.
However, I don’t believe that to be true. I think a mother is formed before a baby is born.
For any woman trying to get pregnant…
- You’ve put in hard work to conceive a child.
- You’ve put a lot of time, energy and money toward your fertility.
- You have probably cried endless tears and said many prayers for a child that go unanswered.
- Your desire to have a baby (probably) takes up a huge part of your life.
Think about it… You have a love for a baby that you haven’t even seen! To me, that’s love! That’s what makes a mother!
Through all your hard work, money, tears and self-sacrifice, you are a mother!
4. Find A Hobby
Living with infertility is time-consuming. Your life probably revolves around ovulation tests, timed sex, pregnancy tests, medications, inseminations, doctor’s appointments and tons of waiting.
It’s exhausting both physically and mentally! Along with practicing mental self-care, you need to find a hobby!
Why? Because you need something to take your mind away from the troubles of infertility. If you don’t have a hobby you can indulge in, here’s some hobbies to start…
- Exercise (Biking, lifting weights, etc.)
- Volunteer work
- Crochet or knitting
- Cooking or baking
- Fertility yoga
5. Life After Infertility Does Exist
How did you feel when you first decided to try to conceive a baby? Excited? Most people are. I was! I was excited for the prospect of being pregnant and building a family with my husband.
But as the months tick by and you’re in the midst of going through infertility, the excited fades. That’s the toughest part… The middle.
In the middle of infertility it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s hard to see that hope exists beyond infertility.
But, hope does exist! Life and motherhood after infertility does exist!
I know it may take a lot of time, patience and money to become pregnant and have children, but I have no doubt you’ll have a baby someday. You know why?
When someone works as hard as you are to have a child, it’s only a matter of time when your successful. Plus, fertility treatment does work. My family is proof of that!
Out of the all the women I talk to that have experienced infertility, one things stands clear… They didn’t give up and their perseverance paid off because they have children now.
Keep fighting. The middle part of infertility is the hardest part.
6. Infertility Made Me A Fighter
Through all the heartache, turmoil, tears and failed fertility treatments, infertility changed my life. I could look at infertility in a negative light, but looking back on my past infertility journey… I look back with pride!
My husband and I fought endlessly for 2 and 1/2 years to have a baby I always dreamed of having. Through it all… Infertility made me a fighter!
I fight for the ability to conceive my children. Now when I look at my 2-year-old toddler, I look at him with pride because it took…
Failed IUI treatments…
Fertility medications (including injectables)…
Thousands of dollars…
Just to create my son. That’s not counting all the depression, tears and prayers. I fought till I was one the verge of giving up on having children. Thank God, I didn’t give up and decided to do an at-home ICI insemination with donor sperm. And it worked!
Now I have a 2-year-old and I’m pregnant with our second child.
Sometimes, there is some good things that come out of difficult situations. I am now a fighter and an infertility warrior!
Infertility was not easy for me. It was a difficult time filled with endless decisions I didn’t have the answers to. But through it all, infertility changed my life for the better.
It made me a stronger person. A fighter. A infertility warrior and survivor.
It’s hard to imagine when going through the middle of infertility that there’s hope at the end of your journey. I promise you though, there’s always hope!
During your fertility journey you need to take extra care of yourself. I’m not just talking about physical care that deals with fertility health. I’m talking about your mental wellbeing.
Be honest with your self and recognize if your feeling depressed or anxious and reach out to supportive people to talk to. To fend of sadness and over thinking with infertility, take up a hobby to pass the time.
Remember that even though your fighting infertility, it does not have to define your life! While it changed my life, it doesn’t define who I am as a person.
There is light at the end of the tunnel and there is life and motherhood after infertility!
If you or someone you know is struggling with faith during infertility and trying to conceive, this is a perfect addition to a bookshelf! When You Can’t Find The Words To Pray is a 30 day guide that provides you with…
- A topic per day about infertility
- 3 bible verses related to each day’s topic
- A prayer for each day
CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE ON AMAZON KINDLE