Whether you’ve been married two years or twenty, every marriage goes through a lack of romance. It happens to us all, including my own marriage. Everyday life comes between you, your spouse and romance!
Financial strain, work, children… The list goes on and on with things slowly coming between your marriage and romance. Whatever the reason is for the disconnection with your spouse… It’s time to reconnect!
Make a commitment and effort today to rekindle the romance back into your marriage with these 10 helpful tips!
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How do you know if your marriage needs a romance reboot?
Ask yourself the following questions…
- Are you having sex less often?
- Does sex feel like a routine or a chore?
- Do you go the whole day without a hug or kiss from your spouse?
- When’s the last time you and your spouse went on a date?
If you can’t remember the last time you and your spouse went on a date, had sex or even cuddled, your marriage needs more romance! Or tender loving care! Just like at your wedding, you made a commitment. Well rekindling romance in your marriage takes commitment.
It takes effort on the part of both you and your spouse. You both need to commit to putting romance first in your relationship. Time and effort play essential roles in reigniting passion in your marriage! If your ready to find romance with your spouse once again, try these 10 ways to improve it.
1. Go On Dates
You’ve probably heard this tip from a million articles on the internet, but it bears repeating because it’s important! Date your spouse!
Life in general (especially with children) has a way of killing romance in a relationship. Time goes by and before you know it you haven’t went on a date with your spouse for over a month. It happens. I went on a date with my husband two days ago (without our son) and realized time had flown by. We hadn’t went on a date for three months!
I honestly feel a little embarrassed by this. We were so consumed with everything else going on in our lives that we forgot about spending time with each other. Make dating your spouse a priority!
The easiest way to make dating a priority is by picking a day each week to go on a date. If you and your spouse can’t swing once a week dates, at the very least try a date night once a month.
Date nights are so important to reconnect with your spouse on a personal level. It’s time spent away from your kids and your day-to-day responsibilities to focus only on your spouse. Use date night to refocus your concentration on the importance of your marriage.
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2. Hug & Kiss & Cuddle
Physical contact does not have to be sexual. Hugging, kissing and cuddling with your spouse is important for building romance. Do you go days without hugging or kissing your spouse?
If you do, make time to steal a kiss when you pass each other in the kitchen. Hug your spouse after work. Best yet, set aside time each night to cuddle with each other in front of your late night shows you can’t watch with your kids. Hold each other before you fall asleep.
Showing physical affection toward your spouse tells him 2 things:
- You still find him desirable
- You’re showing your care
3. Become Desirable In Appearance
I know it sounds superficial… But sometimes appearance does matter when it comes to attractiveness. If you find yourself going through periods of time where you no longer take care of yourself, your romance can suffer because of it.
Yes, your spouse should love and accept you without 6 inch stilettos, a silk nightgown and makeup. But if you’ve gone days without a shower, no makeup and clothes that hang off you… You may want to think of your self-care and appearance to revive the romance.
Think about… When you and your spouse first got together. Did he see you when you didn’t shower for a couple of days? Probably not. When you first met, I’m sure you did your hair, makeup, wore nice clothing… Why? Because you wanted to make an impression!
You wanted your spouse to find you desirable!
Well the same still applies even after kids and years of marriage. Your spouse will find you desirable, when you yourself feel desirable! So throw off that baggy shirt, wash your face, comb your hair and dress like the sexy mama you know you are!
4. Look Away From You Phone
This is a pet peeve of mine. If you’re having a conversation with someone… PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE!
I know we’re in the age of social media and our phones are constantly glued to our hands, but it’s rude. Especially when it comes to your relationship with your spouse. Here’s why!
When you’re constantly on your phone, you’re in your own world and are not paying attention to much around you. Second, when you’re on your phone you’re inadvertently showing your spouse that you phone is more important. Show your spouse that you care about the time you spend with him and the conversations you have with him by putting your phone away.
5. Text Throughout The Day
This is by far the easiest way of rekindling romance in your marriage. During the middle of the day, send a text to your spouse! I know you’re probably pressed for time in the middle of the day. But this is a simple and effective way to show you’re thinking about him.
Send little texts about how your day is going or send romantic texts like…
“I miss you”
“Can’t wait to see you”
Or even text your spouse a little dirty talk. Whatever you’re up for. Sending text periodically to your spouse tells him that you’re thinking about him when you’re apart. Sometimes it’s nice just to know your spouse is thinking of you.
6. Say I Love You
Overtime, as years go by, many couples say I love you less in less. Get in the habit of telling your spouse often how much you love him. Especially when you say goodbye! It’s amazing how much three little words mean so much from someone you care about…
Sometimes your husband may not feel loved or is just having a really bad day. Those three little words can make him feel loved and appreciated.
7. Do Something Your Spouse Has Always Wanted To Do
Is there something your spouse has always wanted to do, but haven’t done? Maybe your spouse always wanted to take dance lessons or go to a hockey game. Whatever your spouse always wanted to do but never has done before.
My husband wants to go skydiving. I’m not willing to go jump out of an airplane, but I made a compromise this year. I bought him tickets to a Major League Baseball game. He’s a huge baseball fan and has never went to a professional game before. While I love baseball and going to games, this surprise was just for him.
I’m sure we could have compromised on something we both would want to do, but it was about making my husband happy… not me. So go do something for your spouse that’s unexpected!
8. Buy Him Something Special
Sometimes the unexpected gift is the best gift. Not for any holiday. Just a gift for no reason. When you’re away from your spouse and see something he would like to have, buy it for him. The gesture will not go unnoticed.
If you’re in need of gift ideas to recharge your romance click HERE.
Recently I was having a horrible day. I had been up most the night with my toddler and the day was not getting any better. When my husband got home from work he brought me a gift. My husband knew I was having a bad day and went out of his way to buy me something just to say thank you. A movie, dark chocolate and a thank you card was just what I needed to cheer me up.
The gesture melted my heart. It showed me how much he cared and the effect he put into thinking of a gift just for me! Now that’s romance!
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9. Make Love
Spice up the romance by connecting with your spouse on a physical level. Yes, it’s nice to have sex with penetration. That’s typically how sex is performed. But you need to up the romance in your marriage!
Try to make love without penetration. Instead, go to bed naked, cuddle together, caress each other in a more sensual way.
Making love in a more sensual way prolongs the intimacy between you and your spouse. This allows you to connect with your spouse on a different level that you’re not use to doing.
10. Go Away Together
I saved this one for last because it’s the hardest and most expensive option for reviving the romance. I would also save this option for last after you’ve tried every other romantic option. I say that because life get’s extremely busy between work and kids. Sometimes it’s nearly impossible to get away for a day or a weekend.
But this option is definitely a surefire cure for your marriage’s lack of romance! If you can’t swing a weekend getaway, try a day getaway! Choose somewhere close to where you live and escape with your spouse for a day. Try a trip to the zoo. Shopping. The possibilities are really endless!
And it’s a lot cheaper than going on an actual vacation like a cruise. Of course I’d love to take a cruise, but my husband and I always try to escape a couple of times a year. Even if it only to do some shopping in a different city hours away. Whatever you like to do and wherever you like to go, then do it. Just make it about your and your husband!
After years of married life or after kids, a lack of romance is bound to happen. It’s life. I think all married couples go through it at least once. It DOES NOT mean anything is wrong with your marriage. It’s completely normal to lack romance once in a while.
The important thing is not to focus on your lack of romance, but instead change your focus! Focus on getting the romance back! This takes an effort from both you and your spouse.
You got this! Just follow these 10 tips to rekindle the fire in your marriage once again.