Have you ever met someone who exudes self-confidence?
You know it by how they carry themselves, converse with others, and even how they dress radiates confidence.
Self-confidence is a character trait that many struggle to have.
Not every person is confident within themselves. But what causes such low self-confidence?
Unfortunately, self-confidence is something that deteriorates over time.
One backhanded comment or a small setback in life is enough to ruin anyone’s self-confidence.
But just because you may lack self-confidence does not mean you can’t regain it!
It will be difficult, and it will take time, but your confidence can be restored!
Let’s look at ways on how to increase self-esteem and confidence!
Disclosure: Bear in mind that some of the links in this post are affiliate links and if you click on them to make a purchase I will earn a commission. Keep in mind that I link these companies and their products because of their quality and not because of the commission I receive from your purchases. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.
What Is Self-Confidence?
Self-confidence is hard to describe and is sometimes confused with self-efficacy and self-worth.
The University of South Florida describes self-confidence as an individual’s attitude toward their abilities, skills, judgments, beliefs, and goals.
When a person exhibits confidence he or she knows their strengths and weaknesses and can handle day-to-day challenges gracefully.
They can handle and accept criticism from others and move forward.
The Effects Of Low Self-Esteem
So what happens when you find yourself lacking confidence or self-esteem?
Low self-esteem has a bigger effect on your life than you might realize. Your quality of life may be suffering!
When you lack self-confidence:
- You may exhibit many fears like a fear of trying or a fear of judgment.
- You may have relationship issues where your lack of self-esteem is not letting you stand up for yourself when others mistreat you.
- You could overcompensate for low confidence by trying to be perfect all the time.
- You may find it hard to cope with life’s challenges. Therefore, you may feel hopeless.
- Your self-care routine may also suffer.
- You could have self-hurting tendencies (drinking, drugs, eating disorders, self-harm)
The Causes Of Lack Of Confidence
Every person’s reason for low confidence is different. One event doesn’t always kick off a lifetime of low self-confidence.
Oftentimes, a lack of confidence is the result of an accumulation of events that occur over time.
While not every cause is listed in this list, here are some of the more common causes:
- Overly critical parents or other authoritative figures
- Poor academic performance
- History of abusive relationships
- Reoccurring medical issues
- Depression or anxiety
- Ongoing life stressors like financial issues
With these causes in mind, it’s important to remember that low self-esteem is often the result of personal life trauma.
Those with low confidence should not be considered weak, they have past hurt’s that’s help to shape their low confidence.
You never know the personal story behind each person.
Signs You Lack Confidence
A lack of confidence does not always display itself in the same way for every person.
Some individuals may be better at hiding their lack of confidence than others, while others may not realize their own lack of self-esteem.
Signs of low self-confidence:
- Saying “sorry” a lot
- Thinking or saying negative things about yourself
- Believing that other people are above you
- Not acknowledging your successes and only focusing on your failures
- Not accepting compliments
- Feelings of shame, sadness, or unworthiness
Related Articles: Take Time For Yourself Mama!
How To Increase Self-Esteem And Confidence
Mindfulness is technically a meditation exercise. But it’s vastly different than traditional meditation. You can practice mindfulness by choosing to:
-Live in the moment by finding simple pleasures around you.
-Accept yourself for who you are. Flaws and all!
-Focus on your breathing when lacking confidence. This gives you time to focus and reframe your thinking in regards to yourself.
-Use visualization to achieve your goals
Not just any goals… Small, achievable goals! When you set small goals every day to finish tasks around you, something wonderful happens…
You begin to feel a sense of accomplishment! You’re proud of even the small steps you took to make yourself and your day be better.
Start by writing down small goals you know you can accomplish. Don’t pick a task that’s over your head but be specific with your goals.
Instead of writing down “clean house,” write “pick up clothes in the closet.” These small goals are much more attainable!
You’ll be amazed at how setting simple goals is great for how to increase self-esteem and confidence.
Try positive affirmations
Positive affirmations are positive statements starting with “I.” They serve as a means of changing your thought process over time.
Repeating positive affirmations daily as part of your routine will slowly start to reframe your thinking toward yourself.
You can either write your own affirmations statements or find and download affirmations online.
Show yourself some TLC
When you have low self-esteem, your self-care can lack from time to time.
It’s not your fault and self-care can lack due to low self-confidence, meeting other’s needs like children, and not leaving your house as often as you’re working at home.
I’ve been there. I get it! But self-care is a necessity!
Let’s try something new… Pick one self-care activity a day to treat and pamper yourself!
Take a shower. Blow-dry your hair and style it. Give yourself a facial. Exercise for at least 20 minutes.
It doesn’t matter if no one is seeing you. What matters is you see yourself when you look in the mirror and you look BEAUTIFUL!
It’s more important for you to feel good about yourself than what others think of you!
Find a hobby
Sometimes negative thoughts about yourself may come from a place of boredom.
When we are bored without an activity to do or a hobby, we are not feeling that sense of accomplishment by being good at something.
If you want to feel that sense of accomplishment by learning a new skill or doing a new activity to then become a hobby, check out this list of indoor hobbies to start today!
When I say self-compassion, I am not talking about self-care. Self-compassion is a way of treating yourself better for your mental health.
It’s about forgiving your past mistakes and allowing yourself to move on from them so your past no longer affects your future.
Self-compassion also has to do with being kinder to yourself when you do make a mistake.
Instead of dwelling on a mistake you made, try and forgive yourself so you can move on.
Don’t allow others to talk down to you
Have you ever received a backhanded comment before? Or just a plain rude comment?
Someone talking down to you, belittling you, or slinging rude comments about you is NEVER ok.
It doesn’t matter if the person doing it is your coworker or a family member. No one deserves to feel horrible because of what someone else says about them.
While we would all love to live by the rule, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say it at all…”
Unfortunately, the world does not work like that.
Although you don’t have to scream or hit another person to defend your character, appearance, or skills you don’t need to stay silent either.
At times rude people say rude comments about you and will continue to because you are not standing up for yourself. It’s time for that to change.
Don’t allow others to talk down to you. If they continue to, then leave the situation and walk away.
Along with defending ourselves from rude people and comments, sometimes we just need to cut the fat out of our lives. The fat being toxic people!
A toxic relationship has a lot to do with our self-confidence.
Spend enough time around someone toxic and you will notice their negativity will rub off on you.
You may find distancing a toxic person from your life is enough for how to increase self-esteem and confidence.
Stop comparing yourself to others
This is huge, especially for women. Everywhere we look we see perfect moms, influences, and models who always seem to have their lives together without struggles and who have the perfect bodies.
The problem is that everyone struggles at times in life. Nothing is perfect, therefore, those who seem to have it all together often are struggling behind the scenes.
Perfection is an illusion after all and perfection is a term that’s different for everyone.
The next time you feel tempted to compare yourself to someone else, say to yourself, “No one is perfect and my life and journey are much different from theirs.”
Related Articles: 7 Proven Benefits Of Counseling
It’s estimated that 85% of the world’s population suffers from a lack of self-confidence.
That’s a ton of people with low self-esteem. Honestly, it is a really sad statistic.
While we can only estimate the numbers about self-esteem and lack of it in people around the world, I too fall into this statistic.
I lack self-confidence a lot and it does negatively affect my life.
But I am on a journey to restore my self-confidence, just as you probably are.
I’ve started to incorporate many of the steps above and am now working on fixing my thinking about myself (which is difficult).
If you’re at the same place in your life as I am, it’s time we all start thinking better about ourselves so we can gain the self-confidence we need and deserve for ourselves!
Just follow these 10 steps for how to increase self-esteem and confidence.